10 gifts Jiu Jiu will never give Wendy Jane for Christmas

Jenny, your last post on double decker strollers got me interested in strollers. So I googled double-decker stroller, and found that double decker strollers were like jr. cheeseburgers compared to the monster thick burger of triple decker strollers and beyond. How anything beyond a double decker stroller is street legal... I have no idea. Well, one thing lead to another from my initial interest in strollers, to eventually thinking about all things Wendy related. So I decided to make a top 10 of gifts that Jiu Jiu will never give Wendy Jane for Christmas. While most of these could never be sent to China anyways, you and Alex can rest assured Wendy won't find these gifts under the tree from me in her toddler years. (no particular order)

1. Detachable skis for a stroller. I know Chengdu doesn't receive much snow, so it wouldn't be as useful a gift in comparision to if you lived in Boone, but regardless, I'm just not sure how these things are on the market. Black diamonds and babies just shouldn't have anything in common with each other. Wendy Jane, you will never receieve this gift from me. 2. The Pink SUV pet stroller. The day that Alex pushes fufu in a stroller, better yet a pink stroller like Wendy Jane's, is the day I drop out of ASU second semester of my Senior year and move to China (mainly because I want to be there to see it). Wendy, you will never receive this gift from me.

3. The baby Hummer. This is the Barbie Jeep and big wheel on Steroids. While this would be next to impossible to ship to China, I want my niece to drive something stylish as opposed to something with combat capabilities. This gift is much more suited for Huddy or Boston. Wendy, you will never receive this gift from me. 4. The stroller strap. The child in this picture is clearly cropped in, because I can't see any child being happy about being strapped to a stroller. Nor can I see this strap staying on for long, unless it has a padlock on it. Wendy Jane has a will, and I think freedom would be her way in this situation. Wendy, you will never receive this gift from me.

5. Harness buddy. A close relative of the stroller strap, this product is one that looks good on paper, but I just can't see it looking good in public. I know a leash when I see one, regardless of whether or not it looks like a Bailey or not. Wendy, I will never give you this gift for Christmas.

6. Tinkle targets. The primary reason I would never gift this to Wendy is because they are meant for poddy training boys. Secondly, I would never buy them for her because all you need for poddy training is a small light blueish, green plastic toilet, that can literally travel ANYWHERE with you (even on airplanes)... and an uncle to carry it. All these other poddy training devices are just gimmicks with catchy names I say. Wendy, you will never receive this fun, easy, flushable gift from me.

7. The Cart Coat. Hopefully you will never spend long enough in Carrefour that taking the time to decorate the cart would be necessary. I am a witness to how far a mere yogurt carton, gatorade bottle, or bundle of carrots can go in keeping Wendy occupied in a cart, so forget about your designer cart coats. Wendy, I will always be willing to help you decorate your room, but never a carrefour cart, you will not receieve this gift from me.


8. Diaper Depot. I don't know how all the stuff in this depot are related to changing a diaper. Give me a box of tissues, some lotion (not necessary, but useful) and a clean diaper, and we're set to go. Baby wipes: not needed. Baby powder: waste of space. Wendy, you will never receive this gift from me. 9. The Splash Shield. This product gives a bad name to bath time. There are no reservations with water during bath time in my opinion. Shields are for protecting. Water is for splashing. And bath time is for having fun. Yes, it could save some clean up time after bath time, but Wendy, you will never see this gift under the tree from me.

10. Last, and certainly least, I will never give Wendy a Duke mobile for a crib. Between the football powerhouse that Appalachian State is, and the basketball powerhouse UNC is, there is no need for her to have any affiliation with this second rate team. Don't be surprised if you ever receieve a Roy Williams edition mobile, or a Yosef edition though. Wendy, you will never EVER get this 'gift' from me.